I used to be in a relationship with someone completely unpredictable.
It’s been over a decade, but I still feel tension in my chest when I talk about it.
She was erratic. And convincing.
I never knew who I was going to get or what might set her off. But somehow, no matter how irrational things got, she always made it feel like my fault.
And I believed her.
I thought I was too sensitive. Or too forgetful. Or just not trying hard enough. Before long, I wasn’t myself anymore. I was a shell of who I used to be — entirely shaped by her moods.
Eventually, a good friend helped me see what was happening. I got out.
But the experience left a mark. For a while, I couldn’t even tell the story without shaking.
That’s what gaslighting does.
And it’s not just something that happens in personal relationships.
Take a recent public example:
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis called reports of school book bans a “hoax.”
That word — hoax — does a lot of work.
It doesn’t just say “you’re wrong.” It says, “you’re delusional for even thinking this is real.”
But it was real.
Public records confirmed hundreds of removals from school libraries and classrooms. And yet, by repeating the “hoax” line often and confidently, they created just enough doubt to muddy the conversation.
To make people hesitate.
To shut them up.
That’s the danger.
Gaslighting doesn’t just distort reality.
It makes people lose trust in their own perception.
And it works best on people who care about truth, people like you.
And when you stop trusting what you know you become much easier to control.
This shows up in day-to-day conversations too.
You might say,
“I felt like you were dismissive last time we talked.”
And someone hits back with:
“That’s not what happened. You’re overreacting.”
It’s subtle. But it works.
Suddenly, you’re not standing on solid ground anymore. You’re backpedaling, unsure of what just happened—unsure of yourself.
So how do you respond?
You ground in reality. You don’t attack. You don’t retreat.
You say:
“That’s not how I remember it. Can we revisit what actually happened?”
It’s not about proving them wrong.
It’s about refusing to outsource your perception to someone else.
Because once you can stay steady in the face of distortion—
once you know the difference between someone else’s story and your own—
you’ve already reclaimed the most important thing.
The ground beneath your feet.
Stay steady.
-Austin
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